like grass, all men shall wither

breakups. they're an unfortunate, yet necessary part of life. especially as teenagers, break-ups can be difficult for all parties involved. i've had my good share of "relationships" (and i use relationships lightly... a lot of mine don't technically really count) in my seventeen or so years of life, so i have experience when it comes to romance. and after personally ending my most serious relationship last august, and witnessing several breakups in my friends' lives as well, i also know quite a bit about heartbreak as well.

boys, well, they come and go. i like to compare boys to the whipped cream on the top of a sundae. in the sundae of life, you have the separate components; the ice cream, the chocolate fudge, the toasted peanuts, and the perfect maraschino cherry on top. whether or not you are a whipped cream enthusiast like myself, the whipped cream is always optional. i say that "a boyfriend is like whipped cream. you don't always need it, but it's good to have around."

as my mother always used to say, don't let a man define you. this is something i like to live by, as best that i can. breakups will always be hard (i mean, unless you cheated on him or something, but that's besides the point). it just matters what you do to deal/cope. i know it's hard sometimes to understand, but one day you WILL find someone who you're meant to be with.

i think tyler oakley explains it best.

the ups and downs of family gatherings

"families are like fudge- mostly sweet with a few nuts." -unknown

at a chinese new year lunch about a month ago, my aunt chris seemed overjoyed at my presence. i simply walked into the restaurant, and my aunt practically ambushed me with a hug saying "tracy! you're here! i can't believe you're here!" not like i don't appreciate being treated like i haven't been outside my house in months, but that small gesture got me to thinking about why she appreciated my existence so much.

at this point, i realized that i barely, if ever, attended family gatherings. i come from a large extended family, with my mother having six brothers and sisters and my father having three brothers and a half-brother, and after several (what i thought were) unnecessary dinners, i simply rejected my parents' invitations to "gabrielle's 12th birthday/talent show" or "jeslyn's 4th birthday at round table pizza." they all blurred together in my mind as one cohesive memory of me playing games on my iphone as my cousins interacted with one another. it's not like i don't my family, i just find it plain awkward to sit there as my uncle ron asks me about my non-existent boyfriend and my uncle steve chimes in saying he'll "beat any bitch up if he comes near [me]." although sometimes i find those dinners unbearable, i always end up surviving through them. i realize you can't choose your family, but they'll stick with you through thick and thin. and my family, well they've done just that. my cousins stephanie and kimberly, although they're well into their twenties, are always willing help me with my petty problems and share their stories of the days when they "used a bat to fuck some bitches up." and even sometimes i found myself enjoying watching my cousin stevie mumble to himself about his world of warcraft stats or making friendship bracelets and candy necklaces with my cousin emma. it's these moments of pure bliss that make me enjoy the company of my family. as aunt chris released me from her bear hug, i promised myself at that moment that i'd make myself a larger part of my family's lives, regardless of how kooky they can be. at the end of the day, they're always gonna be my family. they're always gonna be my blood.

beginnings

i never thought i'd blog. EVER. even when one of the requirements for my AP literature class was to create and constantly update a blog, i never saw myself doing it. even though my blog was eventually born, my teacher never enforced the rule that we had to post one blog every week. when my friend grace told me she had mentioned me in the blog for her lit class, (she has a different teacher, who i heard actually checks for his students' blogs) in which she compared her ten best friends to the parts in her '91 volvo. after reading her posts, i began to search for her followers, discovering several other blogs of my senior classmates. i was overwhelmed after clicking on so many names and gaining the ability to read the innermost thoughts of people who i simply passed in the hallways but never conversed with. i never realized how complex and interesting the people around me were. or rather, i'd never taken the chance to notice.

i never knew much about blogging; the closest i've gotten prior to today was to reading the postsecret blogs every sunday morning. but this might be the start of an obsession.